偶像劇 啊 偶像劇

這麼會讓我迷糊在愛情故事中?
讓我渴望遇見愛護我的人?
得到永遠幸福的結局。

這麼多朋友和親戚都在他們自己的偶像劇遇見了男主角找到了幸福

在我自己的偶像劇呢﹐ 誰會是我的男主角?是誰會讓我幸福呢?

How could you make me drowning in your love story?

Make me hunger to meet someone who has sincerity in love for me?

And finally, happily ever after.

There is a lot of friends & family who finally met their male lead and find happiness

but in my own love story, who would be my male lead? who would give me happiness?

Goodbye, beloved Grandma

Last Thursday midnight, my grandma had passed. Just an ordinary day that Thursday. Got back home around 6pm, my mom hurried up to go to buy white top since my grandma’s condition got worsen each day. People said, my family have to be prepared for the worst. OK, that night me, my mom & my sis went to Golden Truly and got home at 10pm with no result of white top for my mom.

After dinner, my mom decided to feed my grandma but I said, “if Mom wants to have juice, better do it now. It’s faster than feeding grandma”. My mom accepted my suggestion and have some papaya juice. My mom was feeding my grandma when I climbed up my bed. Not long, my mom called me to help cleaned up grandma’s mouth. There’s something sticky on her upper jaw. I hold the light and my mom cleaned up the sticky liquid. When my mom turn my grandma’s body around, her eyes already turned pale yellowish white and located on the upper part of the eye (I don’t know how to describe it in English). Looking at that, my mom called my dad to take a look and called the doctor. I stand beside my grandma, holding and (sometimes) rubbing her hand while calling her name. In 5-10 minutes, her eyes suddenly went normal; looking at me (I’m not sure about this since I’m the only person who looking at her) then she just… gone?

I don’t know. My mind were blank. I don’t know how to think or say. I just keep crying & shouting, “grandma, grandma”. Outside the room, my mom & dad keep trying to call the damn doctor! I rushed outside and trying to called (another damn) ambulance. Finally the ambulance came and pick up my grandma. That night, we just dropped her at the hospital.

And for the next 5 days, my family has been busy and exhausted. In the morning, my mom & dad busy with the legal stuff, I hurried up to hospital to give breakfast to my (RIP) grandma (according to the tradition, the dead one still has to eat like living human; maybe because they haven’t realized that they already dead).

As for me, grandma has a great deal taking care of me in my childhood times. I had been living with her for this whole time; 24 years. I feel AWKWARD when i saw the empty slot in my house. Grandma like a sticky note in my life. Her life in this past 7-8 years already being a STICKY BURDEN. Yes, sometimes I feel burdened with her but now it’s WEIRD to lost her. I feel SAD, MAD, and SCARED. Dunno how to describe my feelings…

But I’m GLAD a bit. At least, my mom not gonna be BURDENED by my grandma again. This is the time when my mom can have ALL THE TIME for herself; it’s time to concern about her health.

note: I thought she came at Saturday midnight..

This process hasn’t finished today. We still have to get “her”, throw part of “her” in the sea, and then place “her” beside my grandpa’s slot tomorrow.

more news coming up tomz!

I Wanna Live Free

These past weeks, as I told before, I was in bad mood & trying to remedy. But life has its own plan.

Last night, my mom got burst into anger when I coincidentally spoke in ill manner to her. Just a simple, “Mom, you don’t know everything -> don’t judge me this or that”. Then she was so angry and brought up a few old matters which I think irrelevant to this topic.

She always VOLUNTARY to spend her 24 hours for family and because of her SACRIFICE, she wants us as her children to ALWAYS say “yes” to what her request.

Not that I’m not respect what she has done for us but it makes us lazy and forget to appreciate what we had. I’m not asking her to do all the houseworks. There’s me and my lil’sis. But in order to have me and my lil’sis works, we just want justice. Woman works, so do man. Not counting my dad; he works to hard to earn money. I’m implying my lil’bro. He’s old enought to not just sit while watching TV then back to his room playing on his computer.

I keep thinking that I was on her palm for the rest of my life doing what she tought was right for me. Not a big problem when you think that’s the right things for you too. But people are not born in similarity. People are plural; and that’s why conlicts are born. These difference toughts grow distance between me and my mom. Each and everyday.

Right now, since I’m still under her house, I only have one choice; be a good girl for her or I’m out of the house which I can’t do it. Not because I’m afraid to live alone outside but it’s a wrong doing. Like my friend said, our parents won’t be with us much longer. Let’s be a good child for this remaining time.

And this remaining time gonna make my life a mess *need my shoes… and DAVID ARCHULETA ~oh my sweety little bunny ^_^*

I wanna live free.

Remedy

After all the hype & high post about a few artist’s concert & the lousy last post, it’s time to remedy my state of mind.

Remedy from an evil toughts. yes, evil toughts. Lately, I’ve been overwhelmed by evil toughts about my friends. I don’t know if I misunderstood them or they do have antiphaty about me.

One day, I could tought how to make them regret that their lack of manner attitude, but in another day I could thought maybe I was done sth wrong to them.

I’ve been through messy days last week. But today is Monday! Let’s just forget what happened last week and try to be a better person.

ps: Omigod! the prices are up nowadays. Money isn’t worth mush goods. >.<

Melancholic Season

Lately I’ve been QUITE melancholic (okay, it’s not Q-U-I-T-E. it’s O-B-V-I-O-U-S-L-Y melancholic). Listening to the old ballads from Mariah Carey, Backstreet Boys, Westlife, and many more. Guess I’ve never been in this state since…… *still counting* 7 years (gosh! it’s so long ago).Last time it because my heart breaks and now it happens again. Being happy & excited because something good was happening, met a climax point where things are starting to take control of your life, and now life seems runs fast leaving you behind at the zero point.

I even thinking, “what’s the use of continuing this painful life?”. Things are not interesting anymore. Dreams, guys, shoes… all is worthless. *but I still need those shoes to make me forget this pain*

At this rate, I’m mad and sad. Mad and sad because I’m at a point where you can do nothing except repress and repress your feelings.

Guess that I need more effort to repress my anger or I’m just gonna burst out in cry. *this is why I need those cute shoes*

*pats* da qi qing shen a, xiao jie!

 

G VS O

Check out this link; http://windflows.wordpress.com/2008/02/24/first-sight/It’s my friend’s blog. She said that inner beauty is a bullshit! well, the society 100% agrees with her.Years back when I was in high school, since I don’t have any physical point(s) which can attract(s) opposite sex, I believe that I’m the “inner-beauty” type of woman. In university, I believe it 200%!

Now, in my first year stepping on real and harsh life, I see that the “inner-beauty” type of woman loses to the other type. People MORE like woman if she tall, skinny, wears a u-can-see-what-u-want top, and pairs of high heels. Physical attraction plays a lot of tricks in life.

My friend gave a good example on his post. Another example from me:
You see an droolicious guy sitting in front of you. You kinda interested but OMG! You’re in your JUST CASUAL (note: I hate when the G-type use this phrase to describes their most simple dress) mode; T-shirt, jeans, flats, no make-up, kind of messy hair because you just take the bus. Tell me, boys! YOU DON’T LIKE IT! So the guy will just walk off. That’s what happen to the O-type; O from ORDINARY.

Next, a woman who wears a MANGO top, skinny jeans, cute purse, a brand new wedge shoes, and a SHU UEMURA make up passing by. What is your reaction? Don’t tell me, you’re just sit there and say, ‘not my type’. Admit it, your adrenaline was pumping. This is the G-type; G from GORGEOUS (I hate to use this word to describes them).

Actually, depends on the situation I can be a G or O type but since society likes G rather than O, I wanna challenge myself. I will make this society regrets that they choose the G to be a miss universe!

Gyahaha… It’s not like I pissed on them. I just hate when the G-type makes me as O-type (or even when I’m on a G) feels like a loser. I guess I don’t have this G-genetic.

Choose well, sweetheart! Don’t regret it someday when you have to “finance” the G-type woman to looks like a G-type when they reach 60’s.

ps: if you have time, look back to my past post about beauty vs comfort. ^_^

 

Something That I Already Know

BACKSTREET BOYS – Something That I Already Know
Album: Unbreakable (2007)Here we are,
Seven days
And seven nights of empty tries
It’s rituals, habitual
But it’s never gonna work this time

We’re to the point of no return
And along the way the only thing we’ve learned
Is how to hurt each other

I’m looking back and wondering why
It took so long to realize
That nothing’s changed, it never will
All these years of standing still
And still we stay, in all this pain
And nothing’s going to make it go away

[Chorus:]
I don’t want to wait another minute
Put me out of my misery
I can read your mind baby you’re not in it
And we’re not what we used to be
No you wouldn’t have to lie to me
If you would only let me go
And I don’t want to wait another minute to hear
Something that I already know

I know, I know, I know
Something that I already know
I know, I know, I know

So save your voice
Don’t waste your breath
Can’t you see we’re at the end?
This goodbye, it’s permanent
So wish me well
And try to forget

All the fights
And all the ways
We almost made it
But we never did
And finally it’s come to this

Another favorite lyrics comes from boyband; this time from Backstreet Boys. My fav line is the bold one. Why? Hm.. Those lines reflect something that I have been done lately. I wanna put out their misery by telling them the truth but the result is pain.

Okay, you may ask, “Why you have to hurt people and yourself?”. Nonetheless because of the stereotype, painful past experience from people who taught they know the best for us and following their instruction is a guarantee to a happy ending.

Now, you ask again, “Why do you have to follow their rules?”. The answer is because they are more superior in life, in experience (or so they claimed it), and I don’t have enough power or position to rebel in this damn society.

I don’t hate these people; I know they want me to be happy but why can’t they give me a chance to run it? Maybe these people love me so much so they don’t want me to feel pain. But sometimes I wish I can run my life and if I failed, I can learn from the pain. Not just standing at the edge watching the road ahead with a curiosity of what happen next but step on it, live on it, and take a lesson from it.

Gee.. I wish the time quickly comes for me when I don’t always need to nod at people’s wish.

You Must Have Had A Broken Heart

WESTLIFE – You Must Have Had A Broken Heart
Album: Back Home (2007)

The way you say the things you do
The softness of the words you choose
The times that you can read my mind
And take my worries out of sightYour fingers touching on my lips
And say a kiss is still a kiss
And when you look at me I see
I see the pain that you had to feel

You must’ve had a broken heart, to love me the way do
Must’ve been so torn apart, I can see it when I look at you
All the meaning that is in your eyes, the love you give will never die
And I knew right from the start, you must’ve had a broken heart

You seem to have that certain smile
I can’t forget after a while
The day you walked into the room
At once I knew the hurt that you’d been through

Sometimes when its late at night and I see your face in the fire light
Showing all the love you have for me, well I love you as much

That’s a lyric comes from Westlife’s newest album. The minute I heard it, I fell in love with song, especially the bold lines. The lyric touches me and I can relate with the song. Why? Because I thought I always disappointed people who loved me. I crushed their heart. At this point, I wanna say “I’m sorry” to people that I’ve been letting down. Sorry for let you down, makes you angry, or broke your heart as that was not my heart’s will. If you can accept my apology, I’ll try my best not to disappoint you again. If the pain is too deep, you are free to walk away from me cause I maybe hurt you again.

With sincerity, me

Backstreet’s Back!

On 25^th February 2008, our ol’ school top boy band is coming to Jakarta. Backstreet’s back, alright!

At noon, Flo informed us that there was an “emergency” situation in her office and she might not be able to “tenggo”. DAMN… But I cheered her not to lose hope and still fight to do “tenggo”. Next, at 4 pm which was only 30 mins before I got home, the lousy dark cloud had filled the sky and the rain started to fall. DAMN! But thank God, the rain stopped and I went home around 4.45 pm. BUT traffic jam made me arrive at 5.30 pm. DAMN! I only got a few mins to take a bath & eat. I took my-5-mins-bath and grabbed my “Secret” T-shirt when I noticed that Flo had called. I called her back and she said that she was already on her way home. No more than 15 mins, Flo called back and informed that she was close and I should get going NOW!

-Oh God, forgive me. I use to much “DAMN” for today. Amen-

I took my little step to Flo’s house and when I got there, Flo or Hanny/Irene hadn’t arrived so I decided to buy “Tahu Sumedang” to fill my craving tummy. After I finished my first “tahu”, Hanny/Irene arrived; then not long after Flo joined us.

Then the car was ready to take the 4 girls to JCC. The traffic was quite jammed at Sudirman but we managed to arrive at Balai Sidang at 6.30 pm. On our way, I finished my “tahu” because we weren’t allowed to bring any food or drink from outside the venue. We hurried up our self so we could find better seats. Hanny forgot that she brought a mineral water, which was prohibited and I decided to drink it all (Oh yeah, I was thirsty after eating my “tahu”). Later on we chose seats at left tribune. While waiting for the boys, we took pictures of ourselves –mind our narcissism-, prepared our cameras for shooting and had a little chit chat.

The clock pointed at 8 pm when the boys –Nick, Brian, AJ, and Howie- showed up in silver coat. The narrator introduced them like boxers on the ring which I thought were a good idea. Then, guess what?! They sang “Larger than Life” as an opening song. The hall SCREAMED and I started to scream and scream!!! They took off the coats and wore leather jackets now. The boys continued the medley with “Everyone”.

At this rate, I saw a few people had gone down to the front tribune and I asked Flo to do the same. We found a spot but the officer was coming and said not to stand up. We say, “OK” and we are good girl –good girl gone bad, later-.

After “Everyone”, there were “You Can Let Go” and then “Unmistakable” hit. Note: When they sang “Unmistakable”, Brian waved at me for the first time ^^;;

After the medley, Howie talk about how he and the others were so excited to come to Jakarta etc and they continued to sing “I Want It That Way”. Gya!!! I started to scream and swing my hand! At the end of song, Howie sneaked out of the stage. I thought, “What the hell is going on?”. The lights were off when Nick, Brian, and AJ closed the song.

One mins, Howie came out with a dandy look (vest and tuxedo) and he said that the boys were having solo carriers and each of them would perform one of their solo single throughout the concert. Howie sang a rather-spanish-style song. ^^ I don’t know the song but Howie looked so sexy when he did his swing-dance.

The lights were off again and Nick, Brian, and AJ already sat at a poker table. WOW! They’re on this vest/tuxedo suit now. They were talking about Indonesia (I don’t remember anymore), not long Howie joined them. They were playing poker and then (SURPRISE!) they sang “Show Me The Meaning Of Being Lonely”!!! The hall once again screamed! After that, they sang “More Than That”. –once again- GYA!!!! My fave song!!!

Then, I saw the crew has prepared 4 bar stroll. I thought they would do some acapella but they did not. They sang “Helpless When She Smiles”. The funny part on this song is AJ forgot the lyrics or maybe he forgot that it’s already his turn to sing. They continued to rock with “Trouble Is” and “Incomplete”. Okay, this time AJ sneaked out of the stage and we already knew, next was AJ’s solo.

Suddenly the officer asked us to sit down and be calm but how could we sit calmly when the boys were so sexy on the stage?!!!

AJ came out with a casual T-shirt and sang a heavy rock metal song which somehow I thought was cool and somehow was boring. But WOW! AJ did these sensual moves on the stage!

Note that AJ said that “THIS IS THEIR FIRST BUT WOULD NOT BE THEIR LAST ONE!”. Next time, I’m definitely going!

The lights were off and then the boys were out to sing “Panic” and for this time Nick sneaked out of the stage. Not long, Nick change his yellow T-shirt with the black one and sang “Blow Your Mind”. For me, it’s a very different style from Nick as a BSB member.

Okay, I love this part so much! The boys were out and sang, “Quit Playin Games”, “As Long As You Love Me”, “All I Have To Give”, and “I’ll Never Break Your Heart”. Their old times favorite hits were coming in medley. I kept screaming and waving my hands. At the ending of “I’ll Never Break Your Heart”, music stopped and the boys sang “I’d rather die, than live without you…. I’ll give you all of me, honey that’s no lie………” in acapella. GYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! >///<)

They continued with “Inconsolable” and AAARRRGGHHH!!! I kept screaming!At last, Brian sneaked out of the stage and I knew that he would do his solo. Brian sang one song from his album called, “Welcome Home You”. I never heard this song before but I enjoyed it. This time, Brian waved back at me for the third times ^^;;

Then the boys were out once again in a casual yet cool wardrobe to sang “The One”, “Treat Me Right”, “The Call”, “Everybody (Backstreet’s Back)”. At this rate, I couldn’t stand not to jump! OMG, the hall was so hype! At this time, the officer won’t tell me to sit down anymore because when I turned my head, I could see that everybody behind had all stood.

When Brian sang, ‘Am I The Only One?’, I screamed for my life, “YEAH~~~” \^.^/ At this time, I noticed that the spotlight was on my spot and Brian were looking at the left tribune so I waved my hands… and HE WAVED BACK …ommo…

The boys were out of the stage and it seems like it was over but we kept screaming “We Want More, We Want More” even tough I almost lost my voice now. I saw a few people in the festival already left the hall but I didn’t care. I kept screaming “We Want More, We Want More”! AND THE BOYS WERE BACK and they sang “The Shape of My Heart”.

Ha3, I laughed at those people who decided to leave the hall and came back FOOL YOU! After this song, they really left the stage and the concert was over.

Along the concert, I was singing, waving my hand and screaming! OMG, I’m helpless on Brian’s comedic act, yet he looked sooooooo ADORABLE! He waved 3 times to our side. Ehm.. Mind if I say that he waved at me? ^__^;; When Brian looked at the left tribune, I waved at him and he waved back. It not only happen 1 or 2 times.. It’s 3 times!!!

Brian… I couldn’t sleep if I remembering your adorable face because “the clock is stood on thoughts of you and me”… OK, OK, enough this “Brian” things before someone threw up ^__^

Our left side tribune was so hype! We all rock!I love my spot! The spotlight was on my face! I guess, that is why Brian easily recognized that I waved at him –another Brian o^.^o –

After the concert, I almost lost my voice and my knees were trembling???). But I would never forget what happen today! Even tough it makes me 300.000IDR farther from my dreams BUT I NEVER EVER REGRET THIS!

Three things that I took note:

MAKE A BANNER! Remember to make a banner when you attend a concert and this would help you to grab their attention. Buy Festival instead of Tribune! It’s more hype there! They don’t sing “Drowning”, “Anywhere For You” and a few lovely hits such as Get Down, We’ve Got It Goin’ On. The show only lasted for 1,5 hours with total 26 songs.

ps. Oh, Brian… Brian…You asked, “Am I the only one?”, my answer is “DEFINITELY”!

Not So Romantic V-Day

I still don’t have the idea why V-day never been a romantic day for me. This year, I got a bit sick & my heart was like crushed for one or two matters. Last year? Went shopping with my fams at Taman Anggrek while watching pairs of couple walking around. 2 years ago? Being left by my friends to had a romantic candle light dinner while I were working on my internship.

Ha3, I guess I don’t have any fate with it. But it’s okay. I’m happy to see a lot of people are so in love. It means they gonna love me too XD

I’ve been browsing around the net about valentine’s history. And I found some interesting facts.

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February has long been a month of romance. St. Valentine’s Day contains vestiges of both Christian and ancient Roman tradition. So, who was Saint Valentine and how did he become associated with this ancient rite? Today, the Catholic Church recognizes at least three different saints named Valentine or Valentinus, all of whom were martyred.

One legend contends that Valentine was a priest who served during the third century in Rome. When Emperor Claudius II decided that single men made better soldiers than those with wives and families, he outlawed marriage for young men — his crop of potential soldiers. Valentine, realizing the injustice of the decree, defied Claudius and continued to perform marriages for young lovers in secret. When Valentine’s actions were discovered, Claudius ordered that he be put to death.

Other stories suggest that Valentine may have been killed for attempting to help Christians escape harsh Roman prisons where they were often beaten and tortured.

According to one legend, Valentine actually sent the first ‘valentine’ greeting himself. While in prison, it is believed that Valentine fell in love with a young girl — who may have been his jailor’s daughter — who visited him during his confinement. Before his death, it is alleged that he wrote her a letter, which he signed ‘From your Valentine,’ an expression that is still in use today.

While others claim that the Christian church may have decided to celebrate Valentine’s feast day in the middle of February in an effort to ‘christianize’ celebrations of the pagan Lupercalia festival. In ancient Rome, February was the official beginning of spring and was considered a time for purification. Lupercalia, which began at the ides of February, February 15, was a fertility festival dedicated to Faunus, the Roman god of agriculture, as well as to the Roman founders Romulus and Remus.

To begin the festival, members of the Luperci, an order of Roman priests, would gather at the sacred cave where the infants Romulus and Remus, the founders of Rome, were believed to have been cared for by a she-wolf or lupa. The priests would then sacrifice a goat, for fertility, and a dog, for purification.

The boys then sliced the goat’s hide into strips, dipped them in the sacrificial blood and took to the streets, gently slapping both women and fields of crops with the goathide strips. Far from being fearful, Roman women welcomed being touched with the hides because it was believed the strips would make them more fertile in the coming year. Later in the day, according to legend, all the young women in the city would place their names in a big urn. The city’s bachelors would then each choose a name out of the urn and become paired for the year with his chosen woman. These matches often ended in marriage. Pope Gelasius declared February 14 St. Valentine’s Day around 498 A.D. The Roman ‘lottery’ system for romantic pairing was deemed un-Christian and outlawed. Later, during the Middle Ages, it was commonly believed in France and England that February 14 was the beginning of birds’ mating season, which added to the idea that the middle of February — Valentine’s Day — should be a day for romance. The oldest known valentine still in existence today was a poem written by Charles, Duke of Orleans to his wife while he was imprisoned in the Tower of London following his capture at the Battle of Agincourt. The greeting, which was written in 1415, is part of the manuscript collection of the British Library in London, England.

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The early V-day is a MARTYRED & RITUAL OF PURIFICATION. all with blood ^^;; Lucky, today’s V-day is covered with chocolate & rose. I like it better than fresh blood. About chocolate, I already prepared my fav, Swiss Delice Champagne filled Chocolate! Yummy! The best chocolate I ever tasted.

Grab your chocolate & Happy V-day, everyone!